my life in words and pictures

by chocolate

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this is me, trying to put down my thoughts about everything and anything in the most sincere way possible, trying to find order in the chaos that is my life, trying to throw some mediocre-to-good pictures in along the way and trying to do it all in such a charming way that maybe someone actually finds pleasure in reading it all.





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alone tonight ...

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i'm
all
alone
tonight...

and it's sort of depressing. sometimes i've got no problem with being on my own but right now it's a bit sad somehow. i'd really like to have someone here with me.

but i'm alright. i took these, purely on the spur of the moment, because i thought it was time for a post in my moblog, i've been so lazy lately. well, not lazy, but i haven't had any motivation, or maybe nothing to tell, or maybe i didn't want to tell.

i spent some days in munich and felt amazing. it's like a live preview of my future, and it feels brilliant :) i've got a great new friend who took me out for some drinks and the whole trip was wonderful as i had been feeling a bit down the weekend before. then yesterday was ... wild, to say the least. fun, yes, but also weird and even a bit too much. but no more of that. today i went skiing, which was

beautiful!

i went with
r o s i
and ... well, she's a wonderful girl.
she cheers me up.

i realized lately that so much of my mood and the way i feel - for days at times - whether i'm happy or sad or lonely or excited, a lot of it depends on other people. and this is something i really don't enjoy because i hate being dependent. especially when the thing you are dependent on is something so very unconstant.

there's this saying, i'm sure you've heard of it ..

'the only constant is change'

which is true, but at a time in your life when everything is changing, you are making decisions which will influence the rest of your life, new things are happening every day and in the middle of it all you are desperately, frantically clinging onto the ideas, principles and values that have kept you above water all you life, while they are softly slipping away day after day, you catch yourself craving constancy.

sometimes ...

it's one of those things that are
scary
intimidating
exhausting
unsettling
on the one hand and
thrilling
inspiring
encouraging
and
intoxicating
on the other.

sometimes it's all too much, and then again, it's what makes life so amazing in the first place.
sometimes i just need to be shown the way.
26th Jan 2008, 21:58  

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chocolate says:

how do we change that ... well.

there's a good question.

it's probably just a small part in figuring out how to be happy. but it definitely would be nice to know how ...

honestly, i have NO IDEA !

:(

27th Jan 2008, 12:25