Even the toilets at the Institute of Contemporary Arts have attitude.
Blah blah blah wish I had an optical zoom blah blah blah Pleasance Grand blah blah blah Edinburgh.
With the video display caught between two-shot and close-up.
At the end you can hear a Cineworld staffer telling me that my phone will be taken off me before the screening. Because as you can see, the Nokia 7610 would be capable of making a DVD-quality copy of the movie.
Notice how the screen has been replaced by a piece of cardboard with 'please insert your card' written on it in biro.
Advert for the Spank clubnight at the Underbelly. There's been a lot of burlesque this year, it's true.
"Radical site specific outdoor promenade theatre at its best," said the programme. In practice, we were led through an Edinburgh housing estate where Ronnie Golden sang at us, local kids threw waterbombs, and the whole thing climaxed with us watching a man in a bear suit climbing Arthur's Seat from a mile or two away. And you'll never see it. Sorry.